The Gratitudes
The Gratitudes
My husband loved to do quick getaways to Galveston especially during the off season when the island becomes a place to slow down. From central Houston it’s a 50-minute drive yet when driving across the causeway it seems a world away. The breath becomes easier and the mind relaxes. Part of the walking rhythm included the East End Historical District which features a lot of Victorian style architecture in varying states of splendor to decay. The neighborhood is also home to many sculptures hewn from the trunks of trees ravaged by one of the many hurricanes that have pummeled the island over the years. The photograph for this entry is one of them. The photo seemed to reach out and say, have your grief and then be grateful.
The artist created something beautiful out of destructive havoc, and when I came across the photo last week, it struck an emotional chord. My husband’s death was sudden and unexpected, and it felt as if my emotional and spiritual body had been laid waste. The aftermath overwhelmed me with shadows, with things to take care of, and with tears as my mind spun to grapple with the reality of his passing. Death had been part of my life before, including a longtime roommate, but I had resistance to accepting what had happened. But out of the chaos came many gifts.
The most impactful change from my husband’s death was reconnecting to a men’s circle and by extension to shadow work. One of the many gifts from this reconnection took the form of a gratitude chat. Though it may seem a small and obvious thing, taking a moment to partake in the gratitude of others fosters doing so with oneself. The gratitude may be for small daily routines—morning yoga, a workout, acupuncture, morning coffee, a beautiful day, a morning walk, the flowering of trees or roses—or for matters more consequential—relationships deepening, time with friends, with chosen brothers, recovery from sickness, gifts from the weekly men’s circles/containers, for health, good sleep, for life’s reminders that sometimes what I think is impossible is possible and for reminders that judgments are based on assumptions that include incomplete data and so often acts as a mirror to my hidden self.
The practice of gratitude has fostered a mental shift. Whereas I tended to focus on negative outcomes, I am much more aware of the many blessings surrounding what I judged to be unfavorable. What I judge to the negative continues to exist, but there is more balance to my perception of daily life, and I am the happier for it. Truly, I have much to be grateful for. Joy exists side by side with the sadness and the grief. In some ways, to deny one is to deny the other. I am grateful for this weekly pause, this blog and reflection, and for another day, another chance to experience what life has to offer. As it happens, it’s also a gorgeous blue sky 70s day after a nighttime rain—gratitude!
