Alternate POV-Inciting Event

In an earlier version of Star Horizon, I began with a prologue 6 months before the start of the novel from an antagonist POV. A quick disclaimer: Reading the prologue will give away the outcome of the inciting event in the novel.

I liked the prologue, and I thought it added important dimension to Harmony, one of the 3 Starry Empire tryants. However, this structure created a few issues. First, my inciting event was in the past; the event was not directly experienced through the eyes of Kor, the protagonist; I had not established Kor in his world and so I felt there was too much of an emotional disconnection from the scene; Jude never appeared in the narrative as a man whose loss was tragic. I therefore elected to kill the prologue, and I moved up the book’s starting point to a couple of days before the inciting event. Chapter 2 ends at the same point as the prologue below. Chapter 3 is what used to be the opening to my book with the prologue.

I decided to share the prologue for a couple of reasons; I think it’s well done for what it is and gives potential readers a flavor of the novel without having to buy it; Harmony has a complex arc but doesn’t have a POV in the novel.

Enjoy!

"Mirror, activate."

Harmony removed a peaked hat, preferring to show off his blonde regulation cut hair. Though open to the divine fluidity of the human experience, only on rare occasions did he opt for full-on masculine. The moments to come would be soul-killingly cruel, necessary to protect    civilization, billions of ordinary lives, from upheaval. For the task at hand, he desired to be someone far from his normal self, inclusive of thinking in male pronouns.

Harmony added a brush of pink lipstick, unable to resist a touch of feminine; despite a tremble in the hand, no marks marred the pristine white gloves. Deep down, he wished his position didn’t require brutality. Fidgety fingers adjusted the royal blue frockcoat uniform, unpleasant and heavy, but part of the show. A gold equilateral triangle emblazoned on the chest, exclusive to the ruling Chorus, finished the ensemble; three rulers, equality in power and unbreakable when united.

"Gov One, begin holo-comm transmission."

A shaft of luminance engulfed him. Harmony's image appeared light-years away in a military bunker protected by redundant layers of stealth tech. The bunker's officers snapped to attention. Tactical navigation monitored the progress of a training exercise involving the Starry Empire's elite Militant soldiers. In this case, boys nearing adulthood; no need to waste mature fighting men, a valuable commodity.

"Status," Harmony said.

The sub-lieutenant, young and eager, displayed a cluster of screens showing different zones of the war game with stats and analysis. "Blue Team has taken most of the hill," he said. "White retreats to their last line of trenches. The battle is over."

"The foreplay is over.” Harmony took stock of the bunker layout. A pit in the back hosted fifteen Psians, experts in telepathic possession; among the modified subset humans, the most cherished resource. A scientist, Hattie, middle-aged, ambitious, seeking recognition, well-deserved, visually popped in a white lab coat among a circle of dour black Psian robes.

Harmony gestured at the scientist. "Fill me in."

"Our Psians surface-scanned the subjects. They identified the target most resistant to coercive control."

A young black male, seventeen, from Clan Crew Defiance, appeared on a display. Not a bad choice. The exercise, however, wasn't about testing Militant resistance to Psian coercion. Seven years ago, Harmony had broken the subset soldier-slaves, but they had rebuilt a strong, stable society faster than expected, and strength from the soldier-slaves threatened civilization. Harmony curated a weak link in the clan alliances and the time to break it had come. Crew Defiance, one of the leaders, was too strong.

Among the high clans who exercised control and restraint in a culture otherwise prone to violence, Steel Rose was the most vulnerable. Thirty trainee profiles hovered; she highlighted Kor, the oldest and only son of Steel Rose’s leader, by right the heir apparent. His destruction would be the downfall of his extended family, provide an opening to instigate a managed civil war, and put the survivors on their broken, bloody compliant knees.

The poor sap would never be the same again.

"Initiate possession."

A green-lit circle encompassed Kor's image; young, nineteen, on the cusp of manhood, gray eyes, black hair, sexy brooding innocent smile, a sacrifice in the service of ordinary people. A red dot showed one Psian attempting to take control of Kor's mind. The circle remained green; no traction achieved. An anticipated result given that no line of sight was in play.

"Add two more," Harmony said.

A block of red colored the circle; still, not much progress. The target sensed the psi-attack. Breath shortened. His gaze darted, to the steel-buttressed trench wall, to excited platoon-mates in mud-smeared battle gear about to charge their demoralized opponents. The fog of war obscured other Blue units preparing for their final assault.

"Four more."

The target squinted; blood pressure spiked; the skin flushed with sweat. A comrade came close, Jude, Clan Iron Star, Kor's betrothed. Harmony's gut fluttered in despair. Their eyes revealed their truth and unlocked their hearts. More than a typical political union to reinforce an old alliance, they actually loved each other. True love, a rare and precious treasure-- its loss added an unpleasant taint to the necessary event. The red expanded, a plague on the subject's mind.

"Should we add more resources?" Hattie asked.

Harmony delayed, wanting to back out, to not see a villain when he looked in the mirror. The demands of the Chorus required an untouchable heart, but his was mischievous and artistic. In the end, as the conceited Earthers liked to say, did not actions speak louder than words?

The operation advanced the larger goal of disrupting Militant leadership. Brief independence by the soldier-slaves during a dark age when the Starry Empire went no further than home world resulted in ruthless wars between the clans. The winners and losers were ranked and sorted, and to the day the historic, ancient hierarchy endured.

He failed once before to break the leadership structure. He refused to fail again. The arrival of human-cousins from Earth had introduced dangerous independent thinking in all the subset humans.         

"Three more," he whispered.

The target struggled; his breathing labored. Fear boiled in his eyes. Concern from his betrothed went wild as he called for help. Other boys dropped weapons and rushed to Kor's side.

"Medic!" Deafening screams reverberated in the trench.

"Full telepathic company," Harmony said. "He must succumb to the pressure of twelve."

Kor buckled over. Comrades surrounded him, shouting for help. Blood leaked from his nose and ears; he gargled noise, shook, fought, every neuron resisting.

"We're killing him," Hattie said.

"Break him, now."

The remaining three telepaths joined the attack. Kor stood tall. No more shaking, peaceful and composed, graveyard eyes. The circle was solid red with full control achieved. Kor shot the man straight ahead, his betrothed, his face frozen in shock and in disbelief. Kor spun, calmly firing as boys fell to the muddy ground. No one would forgive the young man, not Jude’s Iron Star, not other clans who lost their sons; the fact of Kor's possession would whither under the visual truth. What a wicked person Harmony had chosen to be.  

"Withdraw," Harmony whispered, holding back tears. "Show the video on the public screens nonstop for three days in every city. I want this entire world to witness Kor's weakness."

Hattie raised an arm, about to object.

"Weakness," Harmony said, his voice nonnegotiable firm.

Face flushed, eyes wild, Kor collapsed to the mud, held his dead wished for lover, yelled, and screamed to his gods in unbounded agony. He would never be the same again.